“He Looked Surprised”: The Quiet Power of Praise at Work
“One of my team members looked surprised when I gave him really positive feedback. Like he wasn’t used to hearing it. It seems that I am not as generous with my praise as I should be. And it made me wonder, who is noticing what I do?”
— Nora, 13 July 2025
This moment was shared anonymously on LessFiltered — one of many honest reflections posted by people navigating real experiences at work.
That moment, when someone reacts to praise with surprise rather than confidence, says a lot about how things are at work. It’s easy to assume people know we value them. It’s harder to realise that, unless we say it, they often don’t.
Nora’s story is short but telling. She gave sincere appreciation, and the response wasn’t pride or even thanks. It was surprise.
And it made her pause.
It should make all of us pause.
We Assume They Know. They Often Don’t.
A 2023 study in the Journal of Applied Psychology found that while most managers believe they give regular, adequate positive feedback, only 27% of employees agree.
In short: there’s a feedback gap — and it’s wider than most of us realise.
Psychologists call this the illusion of transparency: we believe our appreciation is obvious, but in reality, it often stays stuck in our heads — unsaid.
Praise Isn’t Fluff. It’s Fuel.
Positive feedback doesn’t just feel nice. It drives real impact:
- Recognition is a top driver of engagement, according to Gallup.
- Neuroscience shows that praise activates the brain’s reward system — often more effectively than financial incentives.
- Teams that regularly express appreciation experience less burnout and more psychological safety.
So why don’t we give it more freely?
Sometimes it’s being too busy.
Sometimes we worry it’ll sound forced.
Often, we assume we’ve already said it, or that it’s not needed.
But that one surprised look?
It says otherwise.
Honest Praise Has Ripple Effects
When Nora shared her moment, it wasn’t just a personal reflection. It was a quiet wake-up call. Her question — “Who is noticing what I do?” — turns both inward and outward.
It invites us to ask:
- Have I actually told people around me what I value about them?
- When was the last time I received praise that felt real?
- Have I built a team culture where appreciation is expected, or where it’s rare?
Those answers may be uncomfortable.
But they’re also where change begins.
How to Start Small
You don’t need to wait for annual reviews or big milestones. Try this:
- Name the impact: “Your input helped us move forward faster today.”
- Be specific: “I noticed how you checked in on Sam. That kind of care matters.”
- Make it timely: It lands best when it’s fresh.
- Keep it simple: A quiet “I saw that. That was great.” can stick for weeks.
In Closing
Not all feedback needs to fix something.
Some of it just needs to say:
“I see you.”
“That mattered.”
“You made something better.”
We don’t always know who’s feeling invisible.
We don’t always know who’s silently wondering, Does what I do even matter?
Until we say something.
And when we do, maybe they’ll look surprised.
And maybe we’ll start looking a little closer from then on.
A Thought to End With:
What’s one moment this week where you could have said something, but didn’t? What held you back?
You can share it anonymously or start a ripple by saying it today.